Grief
“Grief shapes you, molds you, and instills an outlook on life like no other experience.”
Some days are good. Some days are unbearable. Over the past few months, I have learned to recognize what helps me and my family get through the waves of grief. Because I know that grief will never go away. As long as I love, I will grieve for Penn Penn.
“When we lose someone we love we must learn not to live without them, but to live with the love they left behind.”
It’s been nearly a year since Penn passed away, and as I look back on what I’ve done to manage my grief, I’ve realized I’ve done a lot - I have tried to grieve in my own healthy way. Everyone grieves so differently. Below is a list of things of what I’ve done solo, with Sheldon and Paige, and/or with family and friends.
Lots of bike rides. It helps clear my mind. There is nothing better than forgetting about your grief and circumstances, even for 10 minutes. It rejuvenates you.
Penn the Brave. I devoted a lot of time and effort into the charity. It helps me with my grief, honouring Penn and assisting other cancer families.
Travelling. We went to the Maritimes, the Okanagan, Vancouver Island, Disneyland and New York. And in all the places we visited, I could feel Penn’s presence with us.
Going back to work. I went back to work when I felt like I was ready for a different pace and a sense of normalcy. I prioritized my physical and mental health first which was very important to me.
Pottery Classes. This was so much fun! Sheldon and I had a ton of laughs and I learned a new skill. We even purchased our very own pottery wheel. We love it that much!
Quality time with family and friends. We had a Hot one's challenge and a Wagyu paint night.
Paige’s abstract art
20 participants in the Hot One’s Challenge. And everyone made it to the end. I was so impressed!
Cooking and baking. Being in the kitchen reminds me so much of Penn. I like to think whenever I bake a cake, or cut mushrooms for our homemade pizza, she’s right there with me.
Pen’sDay. Our family started this tradition when Penn got sick. We continue this tradition every Wednesday aka Pen’sDay. We invite our siblings over for dinner. Something to look forward to mid-week!
Moon, stars and Penn’s bubblegum sky. There have been so many moments where my heart is so heavy. And then I would look up to the sky and I know Penn is showing me signs she’s with me. This brings me comfort but also sadness at the same time.
“Never. We never lose our loved ones. They accompany us; they don’t disappear from our lives. We are merely in different rooms.”
I like to think of all the things I’ve done, tried, accomplished, Penn would be so proud. She’s silently cheering me on from the ‘other room’. Of course I miss her. I miss her every day. But I know she is with me, and she continues to send me signs to bring me comfort. I don’t know if I will ever get used to this new reality, but I am trying. I am trying to live a life that honours Penn.