March 9

All I could do was cry. Seeing my baby in pain. I told her I’m sad and I’m sorry she is feeling sick. She wipes my tears away, pulls me in close and holds me. I would tell her over and over again that I love her. I love her and Paige and daddy. “And Pepper” she would say. “I love you mommy” and “mahal kita”. She always takes care of others. I’m almost certain she thought she was the Ate (older sister). She always looked after her family and loved ones.

Penn throughout the day would complain about her headaches. Left side of her head. She would complain about her tummy hurting. I would notice her legs displaced with the bottoms of her feet touching together while she was laying down. This was a similar position to when she would cry at night from pain a year ago. She started to become delirious from being so tired from lack of sleep. She won’t even eat. She’s not into ice cream. Nothing entices her. Her last meal was ramen with homemade chicken broth the night before her MRI. She ate one cheese bun and drank some of her taro milk tea with jelly and bubbles after her scan. After we found out her tumour had spread.

She deteriorated so much today. We had to make her comfortable. We would go back to the hospital to get pain medication, dexamethasone to reduce inflammation of her brain and anti-nausea medication.

Before we left for the hospital, our family all climbed into our bed. Penn even requested it. I think she knows her time is coming. It pains me to know this and think this. Paige is such a good Ate. Handing tissues to Penn while she coughed or needed to blow her nose. Paige would rub Penn’s back. We said our night time prayer in Penn’s room and ended with a group hug. We told Paigey before we left we have to take Penn to the hospital. But we will come back home. I really do hope this is the case.

On the way to the hospital she started to develop weakness in her right hand. With her left arm, she would hold her right arm up, and it would go limp. She could no longer grasp or squeeze my finger with her right. I could tell she was frustrated and scared, questioning what was happening to her body.

All Sheldon and I can do is be there for our Penn. Just like how she was there for us. We will continue to pray for her. To be with her. To love her.