C is for…

Cookies. C is for cake. C is for chips. C is for chocolate. C is for cucumbers. C is for carrots. The letter C starts with a lot of Penn’s favourite foods. Cancer also starts with the letter C. 

High grade tumour. Those three words still haunt me. I didn’t hear anything else after the neurologist told us on a Friday afternoon. It was exactly one week since Penn was admitted. Your mind races and the internal dialogue goes to a dark place. Will she make it to her next birthday? Will she make it to Christmas? Will Penn be able to go to school? How many more hugs and kisses do we get? How can we take her to Paris? To Maui? To Japan? Paige and Penn are a pair - Paige can’t be an only child. All the dreams and aspirations you have for your kid are now gone. I had no idea I could grieve for someone who was still alive. 

My world has turned grey. Or maybe that’s my new perception. Even when I would look in the mirror I don’t recognize myself anymore. How did this become our new life?

Family photo taken after we got the news, Penn has cancer. We forced ourselves to smile, because she was smiling.

Penn’s cancer is aggressive and rare in kids her age. Tissue samples have been sent to Sick Kids in Toronto and to the United States (Children’s Oncology Group) for further testing. We have officially been referred to oncology and radiology. The marathon race continues.